Saturday, October 17, 2009

...........

Dad, I miss you. Can you remember me?

I visited Institute of Mental Health today. It was a long journey to there and it took us for around one hour to reach there. My friends warned me that it will be super-boring today and he did be glad to be MC for the day if he was selected as he will not need to communicate with the patients. He was nice to them. I mean normal people are not used to the patient.
It was a male ward. It really upset me a lot to see some many of them. It is not that they are not well behaved or doing something weird to me. It is just that they kind of remind me of dad. Sis had told me for such a long time that dad are not having mental problem, it is just dementia.
 One patient told me that they are locked up in the hospital.
"It is just like jail and there will be polis." he said.
 I don't want him to be locked up.I don't want....they are just normal. They can talk, eat by themselves and even toilet-trained.
They behaved far more better than dad but then they are in the ward, locked up. We even need to wear masks and washed our hands to go into the ward. So what? Is this a disease and it will spread?
 The uncle told me that he was 50 years old. Far more younger than dad. There are even some that are only 35 years old. How many years they need to suffer before...?
 They can even communicate to me better than dad.
 Then it was tea time. I don't want them to eat that. It is just so unhealthy....Can't the nurse speak more nicely and be more patience to them?
I know I am being unfair. It is kind of hard to take care of the patients. It is just kind of depress to me.
I thought about dad being in there and I don't want it.
If it is karma, all the beings that I have owed you., I am really sorry for what i had done to u even I had forget it. I will try to read Dharma harder to repay you all. I am really really sorry. Can we live in peace together? I must have do something that are so wrong to you that you want me to repay you in this way. It must really upset you. Can you all forgive dad?