...........

Dad, I miss you. Can you remember me?

I visited Institute of Mental Health today. It was a long journey to there and it took us for around one hour to reach there. My friends warned me that it will be super-boring today and he did be glad to be MC for the day if he was selected as he will not need to communicate with the patients. He was nice to them. I mean normal people are not used to the patient.
It was a male ward. It really upset me a lot to see some many of them. It is not that they are not well behaved or doing something weird to me. It is just that they kind of remind me of dad. Sis had told me for such a long time that dad are not having mental problem, it is just dementia.
 One patient told me that they are locked up in the hospital.
"It is just like jail and there will be polis." he said.
 I don't want him to be locked up.I don't want....they are just normal. They can talk, eat by themselves and even toilet-trained.
They behaved far more better than dad but then they are in the ward, locked up. We even need to wear masks and washed our hands to go into the ward. So what? Is this a disease and it will spread?
 The uncle told me that he was 50 years old. Far more younger than dad. There are even some that are only 35 years old. How many years they need to suffer before...?
 They can even communicate to me better than dad.
 Then it was tea time. I don't want them to eat that. It is just so unhealthy....Can't the nurse speak more nicely and be more patience to them?
I know I am being unfair. It is kind of hard to take care of the patients. It is just kind of depress to me.
I thought about dad being in there and I don't want it.
If it is karma, all the beings that I have owed you., I am really sorry for what i had done to u even I had forget it. I will try to read Dharma harder to repay you all. I am really really sorry. Can we live in peace together? I must have do something that are so wrong to you that you want me to repay you in this way. It must really upset you. Can you all forgive dad?

Too low

It had not been too smooth lately. I knew all the problems not others faults. It was just mine.
I could not stand being the one that went to place that I had never been alone.
"The viya feel satisfied to changed and remain in this world."
I think I am so low that I cannot even stand changes. I don't like to change things that I had decided.
I hoped you can just do it.
I hate being just a substitute. Whenever nobody want to than I will be the one.

I hate myself grumbling. I hate myself being impatient. I hate myself being unsatisfied with things.
I am so so so low.....=.=

Days...^^

I didn't blog for quite a few days d. I was busy with lab reports for the pass few days

Teaching Assitant: Don't write too long for the report.

Me : ^^

Teaching Assitant: Don't write for more than 10 pages.

Me: (x_x;)

So, I had 3 very short lab reports to write which were less than 10 pages each....

####

I was typing my lab reports for the next day. However, the old laptop kept 'hang'.

Maybe I was not so kind to it after all. I am kind of reckless while using it. However, 'hang'for 5 times while I am typing my lab report is unbearable....So, I decided to bought a new one...

####

After brainstorming with my friends and sisters, I went to the PC fair at Suntec City at Singapore.

Saw the crowd in the picture?

It is huge. I suppose people staying in Singapore did not have any place to go during weekend. So all of them when to the PC fair. It was totally congested.

Anyway,I finally bought my laptop which was pink in colour. My friend said it did not suit me. Ya. I think pink is a bit too girlish d but the one in white is a bit ugly. So....^



Anyway, my pocket is bleeding profusely now.....(o`з′o)

Squib vs Sotong

Last night I chat with my friends through msn.

TJ : All the fault of XX( football team) made me lost 20 squib d.
IK : What? Squib? U mean sotong...
TJ : No lar....It is pounds sterling. (O_o) How can I gamble with sotong?
Me : haha....Sotong..
IK : How I know? Maybe England has shortage of Sotong..
Me :TJ likes sotong so much....
TJ : There are no shortage larr... (T^T)

We chatted in broken English but ...who cares...as long as we understand each other. It was not as if we were going to type complete sentences in English. It had been long since I last met them and they are still very funny.
I has some good friends here too but one of them just made me disappointed with her recently. It was bitter to had quarrel. We made up later but I don't think I ever feel that same to her again. It was not like my old friends. I remember quarreling with FM and KP in the old times and we always made up later. I still believe in them later.
Maybe I had outgrown and had become more suspicious to others. I am not as frank to friends as old times. I just kept my feelings when I don't agree with their attitude.
I guess childhood friendship are the most sincere and true. All my old friends, I miss you all. You all are the best. (^_-)-☆

Complain.....

I could not stand with my Teaching Assistant for one of the subjects. So I filed a complain. This was my email for professor.

Dear Sir,
I am in the Roopsha's Group for the lab session. There were a lot of confusion in today lab session.
a) When we obtained negative absorption values, she insisted that we had mistakes. However, we were told later that it was quite common to obtain negative values as it might be the void volume by the Assoc Prof.
b) We were told to obtain 5 consecutive elutions that had the highest adsorption. We were informed later that we just need to pick those that had the highest adsorption and it may not necessary to be consecutive.
c) She was unclear about the setting up of Gel Filtration Chromatography and the Assoc Prof helped us out of this situations.
d) She could not perform the calculations for the first practical and again we consult the Assoc Prof.
e) She told us to measure the exact time for 3ml of elution to elute out. However, we were told later that we just need a rough estimations.

I understand that she might be the first times coaching us the lab session. However, I hope that she can confirm the lab techniques with others prior to the lab session as we end up more confuse than before the practical. The lab session is important to us as we need to apply the lab techniques during our open lab session. I did not hope that the situation persist and continue to worsen.
Thanks.

Yours sincerely,
(matric number)

My professor replied me immediately in the next morning.

Dear XX,

I can understand your concern. Please be bear in mind that there could be small differences in one's view towards a particular experiment. There are no absolute true or false methods, it depends on the situations. The points that you raised are minor issues and we will try to urge the TA to improve her performance. Please also bear for your T.A. as she is a graduate student and just started coaching in the lab, it is an opportunity for her to learn as well and part of her training. At the same time, try also use your own knowledge and an open mind to determine whether a particular advice is sound or not. In any doubt, please come to me as I will always be around in the lab during the practical session.

XX

He was very kind. I did not hope that anything bad occur to my TA, However, after the first two practical session, I just felt too disappointed. She created unnecessary fear and confusions in us. Haixxx....I am not going to say anything bad about her here again. I had chat with my roommate about this matter and I had enough complain already. My roomate told me to tell others in the same group with me to file complain together so that our opinion will be heard. Erm....I did not hope to gave her a difficult time.
She is an Indian. I had to admit that I do has some stereotype impression on Indians. For instance, being lazy and irresponsible. Some students from India get the scholarship or whatever loans and went back their country upon graduation. They had a ban into Singapore later. But my professor for this semester is an Indian too. Apart from being a bit boring during lecture class, I think that he is good and he know his stuffs. I suppose it is not all the Indians that are not good after all.
My friends are quite supportive to me as she cannot stand with the TA too and we still had a open lab session that still need the guide from TA. (I really do not hope that she is still the one teaching us.) The project cost us 50 marks.
It gave me a weird feeling after I file this complain. I do not wish to become a fussy person that always complain but I did feel that someone need to do something for this matter.

New Recipe :P

This was my lunch today. A special recipe by me. WaHAHAHA....
It was simple. First, I just cooked the macaroni. Then, I cut some carrots and vegetable added into instant mushroom soup. ( Just add hot water to the instant mushroom soup which was in powder form.)
It turned out to be very nice. :P

P/s: The 'Revive' was just a free gift that I got when I walk passed Central Forum. :P

Study....

It had just been the third week for school. However, I felt like slacking d. Not really interested the subjects that I am taking now. Where was my passions for books?
No. I still like to study actually. I just hate the feeling for being pressure to study those that I don't like. To worsen the condition, all of my lecturers are quite boring for this semester. I meant if the lecturer is funny, or at least handsome, I still got some motivation to study or attended his class.
Anyway, whether I like it or not, I did not have choices. You can moans, complain and even shout at the top of your voice that you hate NUS but you still need to study or bear the consequences to have a low C.A.P. Haixxxx......
So I need to study. At least scrape a B when I can't even scrape a A. T.T

Hyperactive day..

I had just came back from the NUS Hyperjive organized by the NUS fitness club. It was like a marathon. First, it was cardioaerobics and latinorobics. They were quite ok. Not that demanding. Then, there was this guy instructor, teaching us Hip hop. He was kept talking to himself and laughed by himself too. Beside, he also kept talking about things of 'gay' that made me suspected that he might be one himself. No offense actually. I meant 'gay' was good.
Then, there was another female instructor teaching us kickboxing. It was dammm strenuous. She kept telling us to squat, pump and kick our legs. I hoped my legs wouldn't ache tomorrow.
I got a T-shirt and goodies bag. Inside the goodies bag, there was a lot of vouchers. One of them got $100 of liposuction and laser treatments and $120 of skin treatment voucher. They probably felt that the urge for me to sculpture my body. HaHa... I might as well go and try it. :P
Another voucher I found quite interesting was nail spa treatment of $10. I saw a friend doing it once. It was so expensive and very horrible to me. Her nails were so long and bluish in colour that kept made me wonder what if her nails broke. I could not remember the exact price. I think might be around $100 over. They worn off after a week. It turned out you just actually need to soak your hand in hot water followed by cool water then the fake nail will drop. $100 over just for one week. so rich....:P

CCA

NUS CCA is a very interesting. I just came across one. Nan Wah Pai. It states there that you can learn kungfu. It reminds me of Kungfu Panda...HAHA...
Too many CCA d. It made me confuse and can't decide what to join. :P

Ice-Cream

There were free Swensen's ice cream at Central Library. However, I was late for it because I needed to attend lecture. I was so envy with my friends that had a taste of it. T.T...


Hence, my friends told me to go to Orchard with the Swensens coupon and had a ice cream buffet. It sounded so lovely. HAHA....Anyway, I don't think I will be able to go. My workload for this semester is so heavy. In addition, I do not hope to gain anymore weight. I still had a fresh memory of grandma complaining I had became so fat... By the way, I haven't check the expire date or this coupon.
Nevertheless, I had get the NUSSU welfare diary. The cover is very nice. However, I never write diary, I had too many unused diary accumulating in my shelves. Some are even from last year. HAHA...

Failure :p

Today, I went to nus choir audition. I didn't prepare for it actually. When I stepped into the CFA, I was thinking ermmmm....I wanted to go back to my room d.
It turned out to be quite bad as predicted. haha..... My vocal was not good and I was off pitch. ( That had been tested out by the teacher when I joined A Capella in TH.) Anyway it was just an experienced.
Things that I don't like when joining CCA in NUS is that they expect you to know everything before joining the club. For instance, when you joined swimming club, they expected you to be superb or swim like lighting. Even when I joined Video Editing Club last year, they expected me to be able to edit a whole new video as well as to know myriads of skills etc. For heaven sake, I was just a newbie. As for me, that are mediocre, I felt stressful and become more and more reluctant to participant in their activities in the end.
Yes! I am not as superb and as brainy as others. However, I would like to try on new things and prove myself. Although I might experience failure,
'Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.'
-MAhatma Gandhi

Saturaday at JB

I went to JB with a bunch of friends. It is like sort of holiday to me. HAHa....and I watch this movie 'Aliens in The Attic' . It is very nice and we are having a good laugh.

New semester

It is a new semester. I had moved to Ridge View Residences. I stayed at 5th floor. When the Residence Assistance told me this, I just felt like killing myself. Kill her more likely...
This is because I need to move my things all the way from Temasek Hall to RVR. Thanks to MG , CH and another five guys that help me to move Wan Wei and my things to here. We took the NUS free shuttle bus. Along the way, people keep casting weirdo glances at us. Luckily there are seven of us, so i didn't feel too lonely. At least there are company. HAHA.... Sincerely thanks to them.

Ridge View Residence is a very quite place. It is very high up here with a picturesque scenery of bushes out of my window. Erm...actually not that picturesque. There are only bushes but I can hear the chirping of birds and the sound of insects.

It is a new semester. I hope that I get good exam results. At least pulling my CAP a bit higher from previous semester. I want to get to know more new friends and involving in many kind of interesting activities too. At year 1, I stay at Hall. I only get to know my hall mates whom I am not very accustomed to them. This year, since I am staying at Residences, it is like a new start over. I hope that I will be coping well.

WEIRDO

” What you want? Beauty or Knowledge? ”

I am a truly weird person. I never knew waht I actually want. When my roomate ask me this question, without any hesitation, I tell her beauty. HAHA…

I spend so many times to study untill my eyes swollen, pimples all appeares in my face and now even look like a panda. But what I actually want is beauty???

I study hard and I thought I don’t need to dependent on guys to feed on me. However after the first semester in NUS, my thought is “lets find a guy and marry!!!”

I am a very contradict person.

I beleve in marriage and I think it is a wonderful things that everyone must go through.

Ermmm…maybe not that wonderful, but at least I want to give it a try. I truly think that I must at least experience it.

But…there is another me in my heart that I think maybe after four years of undergraduate, I want to sudy master at some other countries like US (most probably).

Wouldn’t both of them clash??? I hope no. But there is another firm voice in my heart tell me “yes”!!!!

After all, I don’t actually understand myself.

nightmare

I had a nightmare a few days ago. The first nightmare I had while I am at Singapore. In the dream, I saw father. He had fully recovered yet seem so different to me. I saw there are quarrels inside the house. I saw mother smashing glasses. They yell and scream at each other.

I saw my mother yelled at him.

“Don’t you remember how I take care of you when you sick!”

“pang!” Glasses smash to the floor.

Father just ignored her and continued grumbles some other things at his mouth, rather furious.

Then, I wake up. It took me a long time to get to slept again.

It scared me a lot. Ever since father get sicked, I really hoped that he will like regain consious. ( although at first I am sincere but get a bit numb to it later.) For instance, calling my name or some others….

It suddenly made me realise that after such a long time, I am not prepared for it. What kind of atitude towards him.

I don’t think he will feel happy if he know I am studying NUS now. (spending lots of money and getting all sorts of study loan.) I think he will be rather reluctant to spare his money to study at here. ( Haixxx…I am really indebted to uncle. I mean even if my father won’t gave me such a big amount of money to study here.) Father will definitely strongly disagree as expenses are rather high here. ( I hope that it is just my childish thought.)

He will be furious if he found out that mum had transferred several of his accounts money and financial share to her account as well as sold his car.I can’t imagine how ferocious he will be.

I think I am kind of scared to changes. All the negative thoughts.

Mum will not be pleased to find out my views.